There's a new kid in LB's class. Sometimes Estelle seems happy, sometimes she seems sad. Last week her mom carried her into school crying, and said to me "when do they adjust, because I can't take this!" Over the weekend I reminded LB to ask Estelle to play. "I ask her, but sometimes she just cries." "Well, ask her again. It makes people happy when they have friends to play with. You used to cry at school, but now you have friends and you play all the time."
When I picked LB up today I got a report from her teacher that "LB was a very kind friend today and played with Estelle." I am so proud of that Sweetapuss!
A year ago, almost to the day, I was at home trying to balance mom-ing and working while my wife was away on business and, unbeknownst to me, turning her emotional affair into a full-on affair. Today at work I got served with divorce papers. I knew it was coming, but that didn't make standing in the rain signing off on paperwork with a kindly older gentleman who said, with feeling, "I'm wishing you all the best," any easier.
Since I found out I've run a lot of miles. I've done a lot of pushups. I spend some months trying to save my marriage. I found a new place to live. I've made new friends. I've reconnected with old friends. I've gone to therapy. I've bonded with my daughter. I've been given so much materially, emotionally, and socially.
If you've read this blog before, you know I don't have much time for queer respectability-the idea that gays and friends are "just like everybody else" or even have a responsibility to strive to be "just like everybody else." I spent a couple months this past year waking up every morning and telling myself "the only thing you have to do today is be a decent person."
This year has stripped away many of my trappings of respectability and forced me to think about what matters to me as a divorcee, a queer mom, a daughter, a friend-to love and be loved, to engage with the world, to live by my own values. That's not necessarily a gay thing, but it is because some twenty or twenty five years ago I felt like being gay freed me from the trap of respectability and here I am again.
Many thanks to Mombian for hosting the 10th Annual Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day! I hope you'll click over here all the posts!
LB sounds lovely!
ReplyDeleteHaving read along for some time, it strikes me that although you may be more intentional in thinking about it right now, living by your values is not new for you.
I love this so much. The personal growth is amazing. I am not sure if you see it, but it is very apparent from the outside and "reading" in. LB sounds incredible. You have done well, Mama!
ReplyDelete