Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A smartphone App for Queer Families

This piece from the New York Times "The New Old Age" blog caught my eye.  It describes the My Health Care Wishes app developed by the American Bar Association.  It lets you upload your advance directives that can then be accessed through your smartphone.  I'm intrigued.  This solution sounds much better than our current pile-of-papers-buried-in-the-closet system or the carry-your-docs-on-a-flashdrive option recommended by lawyerly types.

Many of us queer families are now of the married/2nd parent adoption/birth certificate level of official recognition.  But history has shown that it just takes that one hater in hospital intake to block access to a sick or dying loved one.  Of course you can demand access to hospital council, lie, or plead your case, but being a hospital patient or loved one of a patient is such a vulnerable position and you may have little time to work through official channels.  And, the comments on the blog post are filled with cases where paperwork was explicitly ignored.  Despite all that, having easy access to the documents we so carefully collected, when we most need them seems like a very good thing.

If I actually get it together to try this, I will report back.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

NICU Trauma: Five Days at Memorial Edition

Last week I read Five Days at Memorial: Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital by Sheri Fink.  Just reading this book was harrowing.  About five pages in I started regretting my decision to read it, but I couldn't stop.  The book includes a really interesting discussion of medical ethics, and a depressing example of how quickly we lose our ability to understand and function within big systems during disasters.

And then there was the evacuation of the preemies.  They were among the first to go, while the hospital still had power.  Nevertheless the evacuation was chaotic and some of the incubators couldn't fit in the helicopter.  In one case, a doctor kangarooed an oxygen dependent baby for an entire ride in an open helicopter.  Terrifying.  That stayed with me, as did the forcible separation of family members from their very sick relatives.  I can understand why a hospital wouldn't want relatives clogging up the joint in the middle of a crisis, but given the way things played out it seems particularly cruel to deny both the sick and their families the comfort of each other.

I know that I would have wanted to be with LB no matter how dangerous the circumstances rather than be separated for days and weeks like some families were.  Devastating.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Problems: Urban Schools/Urban School Reform Edition

We've got problems.

This morning brings news that yet another friend (a parent and a teacher) is fleeing city schools, in this case the whole family is leaving the US.

Demographically, maybe this is just a blip in the big data story of post-WWII white flight.  But though the flight may be the same, I'd like to think that we are different from our forefathers.  Although many of the people I know in this situation are white, class and educational background, rather than race seem to be the key factor.  When our grandparents fled to the suburbs, they (well everyone except my grandparents) were on a economic upswing.  Our generation is made up of non-profit workers, educators, freelancers, artists, lower level professionals.  We are the struggling middle class, worried about our benefits, not saving enough for retirement, chastising ourselves for buying that fancy cheese at Whole Foods.  What we are not-people who can afford private school tuition.  And we are also people who believe in a shared public good, people who went to public schools and believe in public education.

And increasingly, from what I'm hearing and what I'm experiencing, I believe that families like mine have not only been abandoned by public school systems, we are being actively rejected.  There is so much going on in public education that it's easy to get distracted.  For me the debate over Common Core is just a distraction.  I know a bit more about CC than your average non-educator parent, having built a teacher training class that was aligned to CC standards.  The standards themselves were good, more in line with the way I expected students to think when I was an instructor at elite colleges than what was expected of me as a public school student.  In the hands of a talented teacher, given time to learn how to teach to these new standards and resources to execute those lessons, CC could encourage teachers to do really interesting work with students.  The downside, CC has too many standards and is overly detailed and fussy.  As an educator, I tried to keep my objectives clear and simple for each lesson and focus on one key theme and topic and one key skill.  Trying to do too much (being pushed to develop lesson plan that show you are doing too much) confuses and frustrates students.  It also takes time for teachers to learn to teach in a new way and for students to learn to learn in a new way.  I taught some of the best prepared college students in the country, and trying to teach them to do a thorough textual analysis was arduous for all parties.

The bigger problem with CC is that it is expected to be a silver bullet for our education woes without any resources to address the structural inequality that, I would say, is the major underlying factor in low educational achievement.  I worked in a series of Chicago public schools as a tutor, schools that ranged from functional racially and economically diverse schools to dysfunctional segregated schools.  In the worst school, bathrooms did not have toilet paper, and obviously traumatized children were not only not given any services-they were also re-traumatized by harsh discipline, and there was no recess and no school nurse.  Because there was no school nurse and 1/3 of the children lived in homeless shelters that were closed during the day, very sick and feverish children were laid on makeshift pallets at the back of the classroom to wait for the end of the day when the shelter reopened.  I will never forget seeing an administrator who had been brought in as the enforcer for an out-of-control class scream in the face of a little boy because she thought he was giving her "a hard look" during her lecture.  Actually he was terrified.  I had gleaned that he had seen his father do terrible things to his mother, things for which the father was in jail.  The little boy was physically defensive and hated yelling.  As the administrator got in his face, I could see him completely shut down.  That's our America.

As a college instructor, would I expect a student who had just seen his uncle shot and killed, or a student whose mom had just gone to jail to function?  No, I would say-take the incomplete, get some counseling, come back when you're ready.  Poor, little children don't get that luxury.

After surveying my small sample, I would say decisively that middle-class parents bring resources to schools, and as long as they aren't allowed to segregate their children in gifted academies within the school, those resources benefit all children.  So, you might think that administrators who oversee urban schools would be working to get more middle class families.  B and I want to be those parents, most of our friends want to be those parents, and we don't have to send our child to a perfect school.  If the school is a little run down, if we have to send in supplies, if it's a little more regimented than we would like-we could live with all that.  But no educator can think it's acceptable to scream in a child's face.  There must be toilet paper and recess and a library.  There should be a school nurse.

What I'm hearing from parents, what we felt in LB's IEP experience, is accept or get out.  The system doesn't want middle-class parents with our critiques and standards and demands.  In the public sphere dissatisfied middle class parents are broadly painted as whiny, spoiled racists, which I find infuriating.  From my vantage point, urban school administrators have decided that reform will be easier if they get rid of all the parents like me, so they can conduct their grand experiment without interference-or at least without interference by those who have resources.

Why are middle class parents leaving urban public schools.  It's not because those school serve children of color and poor children, it's a much more personal experience of the failure of schools to respect children and their parents.  Friends have told me stories of preschool-aged children isolated in the classroom each day because they could not meet the developmental expectations of silence and hands-to-self.  And, the parent of a five-year-old in Chicago who brought her child to school after a Dr's appointment and was not allowed to walk her child to the classroom-distubing both from the child's point of view-having to navigate a huge, barely-familiar school building alone and from the parent's point of view-don't we have a right to enter and observe our child's public education on public property?  No attempt was made to address the concerns of these families, certainly no effort was made to keep them in the school.  Instead the clear message was: plenty of people want these spots-either accept or get out.

For committed and talented educators things are just as bad.  I know too many good teachers who are leaving because they don't want to teach from a script, because they don't want spend each year learning whatever new curriculum that the admins think will be the quick fix, because they get no resources to do the work that might actually make children ready to learn.  It's like when I worked at a certain coffee company and corporate told us that it was non-negotiable that we must have at least two workers in the store at all times, but the computer scheduler wouldn't allow (or pay for) more than one person to open and close.  Talented people don't want to be trapped in a low-paying, high-stress, dystopian environment where the standards are impossibly high and the resources incredibly low.

I work for an organization that serves low-income public school students-which in urban Rhode Island means that they are mostly people of color.  They are smart, good young people, I would be happy to send my own child to school with them.  I have dreams of helping LB's teachers develop lesson plans in African American history, of writing grants for her schools.  But seemingly, highly-educated and doting parents like us are just clogging up the machine of urban education reform.

What is my dream school: a public school where all children have access to resources that support their physical (food, health care, recess), emotional (counseling, social skill training), and intellectual (books, art, math, science, social studies) development.  A school were all employees like children and believe that children can succeed.  A school that sees parents, not a customers, but as partners.  A school that believes children are individuals and treats them accordingly.  A school where educators are empowered to solve problems.  A school where administrators, educators, support staff, and students feel respected.  That's all I want.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Scandal: Protestant Pastors Edition

It's always hard to know what modifier to use for this motley crew.  Fundamentalism makes me think Biblical inerrancy, 20th century, and anti-intellectualism, while evangelicalism is part of a longer Arminian tradition that stresses the possibility of salvation for all believers.  Our puritan ancestors, I was taught to call Orthodox Protestants and I'm always a little confused about how their theology maps on to any modern group, maybe Reformed Presbyterians, but that seems odd since I always associate the Presbyterians with the every Evangelical awakenings in America and the British Isles.  Reformed Protestants seem to have some Calvinism where you can still have Grace that I don't quite understand.  But considering how quickly people stopped joining the church of our puritan ancestors, I guess any congregation needs to offer something besides unfettered depravity.

In any case, two large and culturally important ministries have recently melted down.  The leaders of both Vision Forum and ATI have stepped down after credible accusations sexual harassment.  These ministries share a strict patriarchal worldview, a commitment to Biblical inerrancy (as a post-modernist it's hard for me to even wrap my head around that concept) combined with theological beliefs and cultural practices that don't seem to hew very closely to the Bible, and a strong commitment to the Gospel of Capitalism.  To the latter point, both functioned through a variety of for-profit and not-for-profit entities.  Vision Forum in particular seemed on track to act as a hybrid Amazon, B&N, and Target for the theologically reformed and culturally patriarchal.

Interesting commentary, admittedly from the already disenchanted, can be found here regarding ATI, and here in response to Vision Forum.  Here at The Common Room blog is an interesting analysis of sexual abuse within conservative Christian congregation and a response to those who question the victimhood of Doug Phillips (Vision Forum) alleged victim.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

(Secular) Easter Retrospective

Thoughts: I'm not sure why B looks like a teen mom in that first pic (not that there's anything wrong with that.  I'm not sure why LB was wearing a rain coat on a sunny day.  She was the oldest at the little egg hunt which we were invited to today, and got to dominate.  I had a little too much wine and a little too little water, but I guess that's Easter appropriate.  And I wish I had made LB wear so many more bonnets while I had the chance.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A Classic African American Children's Book

This book is a most excellent one for your home library and mine.  Poet Gwendolyn Brooks published the book of children's poetry, Bronzeville Boys and Girls in 1956.  Bronzeville refers to the historic Black neighborhood on Chicago's South Side that was shaped by the first Great Migration of Black southerners to the urban north.  My expertise in things related to historical African American childhood ends at 1954, so I've seen copies of this book in various archives, but I don't know that much about its creation and publication.  Except that Brooks is an amazing poet. Her work never fails to move me and thrill me with its ability to reveal the nuances of a cultural moment, and the emotional life of a cultural moment.  And 1956 is such an amazing moment to capture Black Chicago, a time of triumph.  Which is all to say that I really love this book, so simple but so deep.  And, while I like the classic illustrations, you can't go wrong with some Faith Ringgold.  I'm so happy that there is now an in print edition of this book (with the new FR illustrations). Recommend!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

A Drink for Spring

Grapefruit San Pellegrino, Costco bourbon, and a cherry.  I think I'm going to try this San Pellegrino with tequila next, sounds refreshing for spring.

Today was the other kind of spring, without mixed drinks.  The spring that woke me up as a heavy rain around 5:00am.  Wet walks to and from daycare with a child who no longer likes to use the weather shield on her stroller.  And gusty winds.  And a very poorly designed bus station that offer no really shelter from wind and rain unless you stand in a huddle on the benches at the station, with Greensleeves blaring from the tinny speakers.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Pregnancy in the News

Not in our news, which is all of the boring "thinking about trying" and "paying money to store sperm until whenever" variety.

First, it's New York Times official, baby aspirin is a thing for preeclampsia.

The Navel Gazing Midwife is running a series of uterine rupture birth stories.  They aren't easy to read, but important.  This link is to the first post, which talks about the series itself.

Also, I'm reading a very long biography of the Brontes, and Charlotte just died of hypermesis gravidarum.  I had no idea.

And, one bit of older and not-exactly pregnancy news.  Again from "The Well," a statistically small but deadly risk from power uterine morcellation procedures for fibroids.  Basically, the surgery can grind up cancer cells and release them into the body.  Definitely worth discussing with your doctor before having a uterine morcellation, which is offered as a less invasive procedure than traditional fibroid surgeries.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Still Life: 4th Anniversary

Four years ago I had my first negative pregnancy test on my birthday.  The doctor called himself because there was a massive power outage in the medical complex and all the staff was evacuating the building.  He was very sweet, but I was never again able to answer any call from the fertility clinic number.  B and I had to set up an elaborate relay system where I would let the call go to voicemail, she would call and check my messages, and call me with the info.

Two days after that first call we got married. 

My ladies.