Thursday, September 18, 2014

"Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later"

That title is a commentary on the current state of my marriage.  And I think we can all agree that when one quotes Elliott Smith to describe a relationship that is never a good sign.  I'm not sure how this story ends.

In other bad gay relationship news, you should definitely read the article "Parenthood Denied By Law" from the New York Times.  Synopsis: New York state has oddly retrograde family law, which in custody disputes recognize only biological parents, adoptive parents, or parents married to a biological parent at the time of a child's birth.  Unlike some other states, NY doesn't recognize people who act as parents and/or present themselves to the world as parents as parents.  So in this case, a woman in a female couple who married a few months after having a child together will be completely denied custody/visitation of the child she raised for 18m.  However, she may be considered the mother of the child her former partner conceived with a new man since the two women are still married.  That's confusing.  A little more from my favorite LGBTQ family law blogger Julie Shapiro here.

The NYTimes article sparked a lively debate in one of my lesbian family online groups.  There were two main points:
a) that sucks and is discriminatory
b) that sucks, but gay people have a personal responsibility to secure their rights (ie: get married before you have a child, get a 2nd parent adoption), and PS: don't have a child with a psycho

My responses:
a) "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition"
b) if only super responsible people procreated, the human race would have died out long ago (my family has been debating whether we should be allowed to reproduce for generations, but maybe that's just us)
c) Really, only super respectable people should be allowed to continue to have a relationship with a child they raised for 18 months? Really?
d) Proof of a parent's relationship to a child should not depend on marriage or on shelling out thousands of dollars for a 2nd parent adoption
e) I could go on, but I'll save my energy for a post about books

Obligatory moving up to preschool 2 pic

Sunday, August 31, 2014

"We will sing and play and have a good day!"

  • That's the new morning song in the preschool 2 class.  LB is moving on up on Tuesday, thankfully with her classmates.  And her new teacher is warm and kind and sensible like her old teacher.  And she has already learned the new morning circle song (see title).  But she's still struggling with the transition back to school after vacation weeks ago.  It's so hard to hear her say "is it stay home day. I want stay home day."
  • LB: eating huge amounts, lots of screaming and whining, and has at least three big falls in the last week-we are thinking growth spurt.  I went and got LB early on Friday so we could get an ice cream treat and go to the library and go to the park.  All was well.  We stopped to watch some kids swimming in the fountain, and then as LB ran toward the park she took an unintentional flying leap and landed on her head and knees.  I was afraid she was bleeding from her mouth, but it was just remnants of strawberry ice cream.  But her knees were really bad.  We left a Baltimore style blood trail before a nice stranger ran and got us some bandaids from his first aid kit.  
  • I love Labor Day.  Who can object to someone who says "Have a great Labor Day!"
  • Yesterday we went on a family heritage food tour of Fall River, MA.  We hit Hartley's Pork Pies and Patty's Pierogis.  Both were great, but next time we will eat in at Patty's and then get pies to go at Hartley's (we ate Hartley's in our car because they have not seating and then go some cold pierogis to fry at home).  Patti's seemed cute and friendly, and definitely worth eating in.  We also looked longingly at the several Coney Island hotdog purveyors on Main Street.  Next time we'll have to research the best one and stop there.
  • I've become such a towntown (downcity) Providence booster.  Providence is a great little city.  Amazing Gilded Era architecture (just don't look at City Hall for too long-you might go blind because it is the ugliest 2nd Empire building ever built).  Good coffee shops, good restaurants, good hotels (I so want to stay at the Dean), good bars, some real live book stores, parks, pop-up shops, and a mall with a movie theatre right downtown if you need a break from all the hipness.  Everyone should spend a weekend here.  And all super walkable.  
  • We signed up for service with Munroe Dairy and now I can have not only local milk, but both Hoodsie Cups and Autocrat syrup delivered to my door.  That's Rhode Island.  Sadly the HCs don't come with the little wooden spoon, which is an essential element to full experience.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

If you look at one thing today...

Check out the #iftheygunnedmedown tumblr:

As someone who works with young people and studies young people, it's intense to see the reality that I know, that young people are complicated, they're immature, they're self aware, they're kind, they're hardworking, they like to party and act crazy-to see all of that summed up by young people themselves.

Down with respectability, up with respect for lives.

Monday, August 4, 2014

PW Protected: "Things aren't very good around here anymore"

At my wordpress blog I've joined the other posters sharing the other side of the of the happy summer list posts.  Comment below or email me at if you want the password.  This post contains content appropriate only for those who like a little drama.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

"Then the lights go out and it's just the three of us / You me and all that stuff we're so scared of"

What haven't we done in Portland?  This city deserves a summer list all it's own.  Highlights include:

Oregon Brewers' Fest (you can tell the non-douchebags in the crowd because they're taking notes)

our first post-NICU night away from LB (in a hotel!)

food carts: we had Brunch Box, and need to go back for poached chicken at Nong's

swimming in the pool: a lot, LB has begged to spend hours in the pool, but is in one of her tentative phases where she just wants to cling to us like a limpet

dinners cooked by my FIL (shrimp, salmon, and tonight we're having smoked brisket)

a variety of non-Fest beers at a variety of places

Barista coffee (the nice young man gave us coffee even though they weren't open yet)

Courier coffee (love: they have a turn table on the bar and were playing the breeders while we drank our coffee.  I wanted to take a selfie, but couldn't bear to in front of the hip barista.)

Powell's (of course, I got some nice picture books for LB, which are actually book for children that are for me.  I love being able to actually browse the physical books.)

Blue Collar Bakery (we started sharing a scone as we walked out, and by the time we got down the block we turned around for another)

A trip to the coast

pic by B

A swim in the Pacific (me only, and it was more flinging myself under the water and dashing back out so that I could say I swam in the Pacific)

Lunch at Mo's with lots of shrimp

A trip to Bushwacker's Cider Bar (1st all cider bar in the US)

LB got to go to the zoo (highlights: rainbow dippin' dots)

And I've gone running every day, which is pretty strange for me.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

"All you fascists bound to lose: I said all you fascists bound to lose"

The women of the internet are tired, and I'm tired too.

Tired of the judgement and action of bystanders (which is to say, people who don't know shit about us and our lives).  Here, "The day I was almost arrested for having an autistic son," by Marie Myung-Ok Lee.

Tired of advice that does not fit our situations: here, from Black Girl in Maine.

Tired of wondering how it could possibly still be true that so many people reduce the worth of women to our physical bodies.  Here, Rebecca Traister's "I don't care if you like it."

Tired of having to worry that we are feeding the problems of judgement and disrespect when we celebrate our own lives.  Here, "Inside" from Breaking into Blossom.

Tired of the institutional and structural failures that allow women's bodies to be brutalized and are then unable to offer comfort to the victims or sanction to the victimizers.  Here: (a warning that if you have not read this article, it is devastating), "Reporting Rape, and Wishing She Hadn't" by Walt Bogdanich.

In all these discontents, I hope I sense a new wave of women's activism coming on strong.